What Happens When the Love is Gone?

When love leaves, what do you do?  Where do you go?  How do you feel?  Well, if you’re looking for answers from me, you are definitely looking at the wrong person.  I have no answers to those questions.  Of course, I have had some crazy breakups, but getting over those men weren’t too hard for me.  It’s not that I don’t have a pulse.  It’s just that I don’t have the need to wallow in self-pity.  You have the right to feel heartbroken after a breakup, but there has to be something that can help with the emotional part of it all.

When I was about 28 years old, I was dating this guy from my church.  We had been dating for three years and BOOM!  It was over.  What happened?  Who knows what happened at that point?  Maybe it was because he was younger than me.  We were four years apart so it was possible that I was more mature for him, and he couldn't handle it.  It could be that he didn’t really know what he wanted.  Well, he was pretty easy to get over after a month.  Let’s see…let’s look at a few facts:

• I was older than him.
• I had a great job.
• I made more money than him.
• I had a bachelor's degree. (He didn't have a degree.)
• I didn't argue about everything.  (He started most of the arguments, usually.)
• I am a social butterfly.  (He barely spoke at all.)

Do I sound like a snob?  I’m definitely far from that.  I just know what I want, and I think that I am a valuable commodity.  Why should I settle for just anybody?  The crazy part about that breakup was that HE broke up with ME.  I know.  Weird right?  He claimed that we argued too much when he started most of the arguments.  I guess it just wasn’t meant to be.  At the time, I wondered if the age difference had anything to do with that breakup.  I can’t even say that because there are couples where there is a 10 year age difference, and they seem to work well together.  So what was the problem, and why was I crying so hard when he and I broke up?  I cried for a week over this guy.  Was it worth my tears?  Well, when I started to think about how much better than him I was (I felt this way at the time.), I started to cheer up rather quickly.  I still tried to figure out why I was crying.  I must admit that I was truly heartbroken.

Breakups are never easy to get over.  Even if there are some people that get over relationships faster than others, there is a period of sadness between each relationship that has ended.  Sometimes I feel as though I don’t have the energy to deal with a new relationship.  Relationships are hard, and if you don’t make the time to devote to it, it will definitely “take a nose dive”. 

When you lose a love, it’s similar to a death.  It vanishes leaving you with emptiness in your soul.  You get used to being in love with the individual.  The two of you have become one; now you have to figure out how to cope and spend time with yourself.  For instance, you become used to making dinner for two.  If the habit progresses, you will always have an excess of food.  Your strolls through the park will be much lonelier now that your love is gone.  You’ll now have to figure out if you want to bring along one of your friends or just try to enjoy those strolls alone.  Whatever you decide, it will be beneficial for you to not negate what you used to do just because you’re not in a relationship anymore.  Love yourself, and don’t worry too much about those lost loves.  Either they will come back to you, or another one will be waiting in the wings.

Everyone is looking for love. Are you?  That's okay. You deserve to have someone say, "I love you".

Bad Bitches: Where is it Written?

Is dignity extinct?  Is it so terrible to be respectful?  Of course, we are all familiar with the phrase, “All men are dogs.”  That statement simply isn't true.  Not all men are “wanna be players”, and not all men objectify women.  It takes a sophisticated man to treat a woman with respect.  What about the titles given to women?  The term bad bitch has become synonymous with good-looking women.  Some women feel admired when men call them bad bitch.  The trouble that I have with that phrase?  My problem with the phrase bad bitch is that it sounds like a term for someone that has no respect for women.  Whatever happened to the days when women had enough self-respect to not let any man disregard them?

Personally, I don’t like being called a bitch.  One day, I asked one of my guy friends, “What is a bad bitch supposed to mean?”  He told me that it means a pretty woman.  Seriously?  So my friend furthered his answer and said, “You would be considered a bad bitch.”  At first I was flattered because that’s not the first time that I have been called a bad bitch; however, when my friend and I talked, I realized that the phrase was politically incorrect.  It seems as though no matter what we do, women will always be some kind of bitch.  If we’re evil, we’re a bitch.  If we’re gorgeous, we’re a bad bitch.  Where is it written?

I can remember growing up, and when a guy thought I was pretty, he did something out of the “ordinary”.  He did something that the generation of today wouldn't think imaginable.  Guess what he would say?  He would just say that I was…PRETTY.  That’s it!  I wasn't a bitch.  I was pretty.  What happened to this society?  What happened to guys treating women with respect by not calling us out of our names?  When did I become a bad bitch?  Recently, a young guy called me a bad bitch.  I didn't know what to say.  I think I said, “Why am I a bitch.”  Obviously, I knew that it was his way of complimenting me, but there’s no need for that type of compliment.

Everyone blames rap music for this type of behavior.  I can’t really say that I don’t blame rap music.  Many rappers use the term bad bitch to mean gorgeous women with long hair (usually a weave) and a big behind.  Okay, there’s nothing wrong with looking this way, but why exploit these women?  Why?  Not to mention that they’re being called bad bitch in these rap songs.  It’s truly unimaginable.  Where’s the respect?

Of course, men are not the only people to blame here.  There are many women that are seriously fine with men calling them out of their name.  Why is that?  If it’s for a rap video, they probably accept this behavior because they’re getting paid for it.  In my opinion, that is so pathetic.  So it’s okay to disrespect me if you’re paying me?  In what world is that ever acceptable?  Is your self-esteem that low?  Women need to stand up and tell these guys that they are not bitches, and then maybe someone will take notice.  Get it together girl, and attain some self-respect.

“Bad bitch” is a terrible phrase made up by someone who is ignorant.  I don’t care who the female is; she deserves to be respected.  The one thing that I don’t understand is that if you’re a man with a mother, sister, daughter, wife, girlfriend, or female friends, how can you subject yourself to such crude behavior?  It’s time for an overhaul in manners for the men and an overhaul in dignity for women.  Let’s be smarter in what we say and do.  There’s no need to sell your soul.







Check out  Beautiful Colors Magazine to get even more interesting topics.

For the Love of Spending Money

Why do we love to spend money?  Is it because we're trying to impress other people, or are we just trying to stay in the race with those that like to spend money?  Some of us spend money on items that we truly cannot afford.   Spending money is not always for the right reasons so it's best to manage finances carefully, and think about how you’re spending your money.

If you are someone that likes to buy clothes to keep up with the latest trends then there are probably tons of clothes at your house.  There is absolutely nothing wrong with following trends, especially if you can afford to do so.  When we see a “celebrity”, for example, wearing something that we find appealing, it is only natural that we would want to buy it for ourselves.  The problem with that?  Often times those items that these “celebrities” wear are usually out of our price range.  Spending $5,000 on a pair of pants is usually not in the average person’s budget.  Clothing is important for human consumption, but mortgaging off your house just to afford a $5,000 pair of pants is preposterous!

Let’s talk about automobiles for a minute.  If you can only afford a Chevy Cruze for $17,520, that is actually a very affordable and sufficient vehicle.  Why would you buy a Bugatti Veyron Super Sports for $2,400,000 and have to finance it?  How long do you expect to be paying for this Bugatti?  Maybe your great grandchildren can pay it off when you are long gone from this earth.  Oh please!  Enjoying your money is the way of the world.  Who doesn't enjoy spending money on those precious items that you will always enjoy?  It makes you feel good to make special purchases, especially when you can afford it.  On the other hand, going into debt can make you feel “sick to your stomach” when you KNOW that you can’t afford the items that you've purchased.  Why go broke to live like the Trumps?  Donald Trump has obviously earned his wealth through his achievements.  Evidently, he can enjoy the riches that he has created for himself because Mr. Trump can afford to do that.  What about you?  Was it worth paying for a Bugatti to impress people who couldn't care less about you otherwise? 

Self-esteem plays a major part in spending numerous amounts of money.  Sometimes, when someone spends money that they can’t afford to spend, it means that they feel a need to be accepted.  Wanting to be accepted is a part of life so getting others to accept you is usual behavior; however, it’s not particularly healthy behavior.  Buying expensive items are fine, but it’s not worth going broke to gratify the crowd.

Before making extravagant purchases, think about this:

• Is it worth being broke?
• Did you pay your bills late for this purchase?
• Are you trying to impress your friends?
• Will you NOT be able to afford groceries?
• Is your bank account going to be overdrawn?

If the answer to these questions is ABSOLUTELY, then maybe you should save your money this time, and wait until you can afford to buy those things that you would enjoy.  There’s nothing worse than having on $500 Gucci shoes at the welfare office.  Let’s be mindful about our spending habits.  It’s definitely for your benefit.

Men Are So Selfish: True or False?

Let's imagine that you are a woman with a very successful career in Retail.  Your husband is successful in his Construction career, and he has a higher salary than you.  He pays most of the bills for the household.  One day, you checked your joint checking account and you have $100 less than you had in the account yesterday which was $5,000.  The next day, you checked the joint savings account, and you thought you had $2,525.32 left; there's only $2.00 in the account.  Whoa!  That is a definite shock to the system.  Everyday, you notice funds being taken out of your accounts that you never used.  So now you decided to ask your husband about the drastic amount of money that is now withdrawn day after.  He says to you with a calm voice, "Don't worry about it.  I'll take care of it."  HE'LL TAKE CARE OF IT?  Why is this going on?  Then you get laid off from a job that you've had for 20 years.  You think to yourself, "At least my husband has a good job."

Okay, maybe you like to stay positive.  You want to trust that your husband will have everything under control, but when you ask him one last time about the diminishing funds, he finally breaks down to tell you that he lost his job…SIX MONTHS AGO!  This is a conversation that should have happened six months ago and not after the evaporating money.  Did pride keep her husband from being honest?  Was it selfishness?  Maybe he felt that you couldn’t handle it because he’s supposed to be the provider of the family.  It is hard sometimes when you have to tell the truth.  No one likes to hear harsh truth, but once the other party is aware of your situation, you can figure out a solution.

To some women, it would appear that this husband was being selfish for keeping his wife out of the loop.  After all, she did lose her job and hoped her husband could pick up the slack.  If she knew he had lost his job six month ago, it is possible that she could have possibly helped her husband find a new job or even cut back on spending.  Either way, he should have just told her the truth.  Would that have helped his wife to know the truth?  Is her husband selfish or was he protecting her?  Pride is definitely a factor in this situation.

Women like to be told the truth even if it hurts.  Since her husband wasn't honest with her this left several unanswered questions:  was he cheating on her, was he gambling, did he get involved with illegal business.  When our men don't tell us the truth it’s unfathomable.  With both of them out of work who is going to step up and handle matters?  This should have been worked out six months ago, but it is never too late to fix a situation such as this one.   

Are men really selfish?  Sometimes men seem selfish because they keep from us that which we feel we need to know.  The question is, “Do we really need to know everything?”  The situation above was an unfortunate scenario that happens all the time, and the husband should have informed his wife about what was going on; however, there are situations that are a lot worse and a lot more detrimental.  Men probably don’t tell us everything because they think we’ll make their problems much worse.  Men like to be in charge of handling their own complications.  Women, by nature, are emotional and are nurturers.  Of course, we are going to want to fix the problem.  Some men prefer that their women leave most problems alone only to let them handle it.  In this case, men shouldn’t appear selfish.  This would make him a protector.  The husband above didn’t tell his wife because she would have panicked and he would have felt worse.  Keeping secrets wasn’t good either though.  Well, we should understand that sometimes protecting can hurt and being selfish hurts as well.  Keeping secrets can be looked at as selfish so instead of omitting what needs to be addressed, just tell the person what they need to know. 

New Year's Resolutions: Why Bother?

So everyone wants to change something about themselves for the the New Year.  Some people have made a New Year's resolution to start working out more.  Others want to shed a few pounds so they might create "a war on carbs".  What about saving money?  To be totally honest, how many of us really stick to our New Year's resolutions?  It's become so common, that we've made that an anthem for the the New Year.  Is it good to do this?  Why do we seem to fall short when it comes to making these changes in our lives?

Being that we are our biggest critic, it's only natural that we are hard on ourselves.  It just seems strange that we make a new year the catalyst for our changes for the better.  We should always be adamant when it comes to improving ourselves; that shows amazing growth potential.  Potential is a word that gets lost in translation many times.  Potential doesn't mean that you have the ability to do something, but it means that you may be able to do it if you try your hardest.  Many people, while creating New Year's resolutions, feel so excited that they have decided to make a change.  The only problem is that we all have the "potential" to make these changes, but potential has to be added to effort put into the work.


Let's say for example that you have always wanted to be more adventurous.  For 2014 you have decided to buy some skis and some ski gear.  Now let's say, to jump start things, you purchase a plane ticket to travel to the Swiss Alps.  Okay, now let's say December 2014 is here, and you never went to the Swiss Alps to ski because all the while you had a fear of heights.  Weird scenario?  Of course!  It's weird because instead of having a New Year's resolution to be more adventurous, it might have been better to have a resolution to get help with conquering your fear of heights.  So you see, potential is not enough to keep a New Year's resolution at all. Wanting to do something and actually doing it are not of the same magnitude.  Resolutions for the New Year are sometimes stressful to keep.  Why is that?  Sometimes we don't really want to change and like the way we are.  Sometimes it's lack of motivation that keeps us from achieving our goals.  So maybe that's the problem: resolutions instead of  goals.  Are we looking at the resolutions as achievable goals or as something we have the potential to do?

When we make resolutions for the New Year, we are thinking that these are achievable goals.  What we fail to realize is that we need willpower to do these resolutions that we make every year. Willpower drives us to reach our goals and carries us to motivate ourselves when we face adversity. It's sometimes difficult to stay motivated, but think of the end results.  You'll be the better person that you wanted to be.  Can you imagine what having willpower and motivation can do for your goals? You'll achieve your resolutions so much easier.

Another problem is that we gave these resolutions a permanent starting point.  We actually wish to start these resolutions in the beginning of the New Year.  Why wait?  Why not start a new resolution for the month?  Why not start changing something when you already have it on your mind?  One of the most common New Year's resolutions is to stop smoking.  We all know the detrimental circumstances that cigarettes have on our bodies.  So...that's not enough to stop smoking for you?  I know bad habits are hard to break, but why wait until the New Year?  Work on quitting the best way you know how, possibly talking to a physician.  There's no need to put off something that can be done today, especially when your health is concerned.

Remember that potential is great.  It's just better to include motivation and willpower to complete the formula for achieving what you really want.  Making New Year's resolutions is also great, but just make sure that they are realistic to you.  If your health is in jeopardy now, please don't wait for a new year to start making changes.  If you have fears of some sought, conquer the fear first, and then have that amazing adventure. Goals are much easier to achieve when we can put things in perspective.  So if it makes you happy to make New Year's resolutions, go for it!  Just be honest with yourself and be realistic about it.