Men Are So Selfish: True or False?

Let's imagine that you are a woman with a very successful career in Retail.  Your husband is successful in his Construction career, and he has a higher salary than you.  He pays most of the bills for the household.  One day, you checked your joint checking account and you have $100 less than you had in the account yesterday which was $5,000.  The next day, you checked the joint savings account, and you thought you had $2,525.32 left; there's only $2.00 in the account.  Whoa!  That is a definite shock to the system.  Everyday, you notice funds being taken out of your accounts that you never used.  So now you decided to ask your husband about the drastic amount of money that is now withdrawn day after.  He says to you with a calm voice, "Don't worry about it.  I'll take care of it."  HE'LL TAKE CARE OF IT?  Why is this going on?  Then you get laid off from a job that you've had for 20 years.  You think to yourself, "At least my husband has a good job."

Okay, maybe you like to stay positive.  You want to trust that your husband will have everything under control, but when you ask him one last time about the diminishing funds, he finally breaks down to tell you that he lost his job…SIX MONTHS AGO!  This is a conversation that should have happened six months ago and not after the evaporating money.  Did pride keep her husband from being honest?  Was it selfishness?  Maybe he felt that you couldn’t handle it because he’s supposed to be the provider of the family.  It is hard sometimes when you have to tell the truth.  No one likes to hear harsh truth, but once the other party is aware of your situation, you can figure out a solution.

To some women, it would appear that this husband was being selfish for keeping his wife out of the loop.  After all, she did lose her job and hoped her husband could pick up the slack.  If she knew he had lost his job six month ago, it is possible that she could have possibly helped her husband find a new job or even cut back on spending.  Either way, he should have just told her the truth.  Would that have helped his wife to know the truth?  Is her husband selfish or was he protecting her?  Pride is definitely a factor in this situation.

Women like to be told the truth even if it hurts.  Since her husband wasn't honest with her this left several unanswered questions:  was he cheating on her, was he gambling, did he get involved with illegal business.  When our men don't tell us the truth it’s unfathomable.  With both of them out of work who is going to step up and handle matters?  This should have been worked out six months ago, but it is never too late to fix a situation such as this one.   

Are men really selfish?  Sometimes men seem selfish because they keep from us that which we feel we need to know.  The question is, “Do we really need to know everything?”  The situation above was an unfortunate scenario that happens all the time, and the husband should have informed his wife about what was going on; however, there are situations that are a lot worse and a lot more detrimental.  Men probably don’t tell us everything because they think we’ll make their problems much worse.  Men like to be in charge of handling their own complications.  Women, by nature, are emotional and are nurturers.  Of course, we are going to want to fix the problem.  Some men prefer that their women leave most problems alone only to let them handle it.  In this case, men shouldn’t appear selfish.  This would make him a protector.  The husband above didn’t tell his wife because she would have panicked and he would have felt worse.  Keeping secrets wasn’t good either though.  Well, we should understand that sometimes protecting can hurt and being selfish hurts as well.  Keeping secrets can be looked at as selfish so instead of omitting what needs to be addressed, just tell the person what they need to know. 

New Year's Resolutions: Why Bother?

So everyone wants to change something about themselves for the the New Year.  Some people have made a New Year's resolution to start working out more.  Others want to shed a few pounds so they might create "a war on carbs".  What about saving money?  To be totally honest, how many of us really stick to our New Year's resolutions?  It's become so common, that we've made that an anthem for the the New Year.  Is it good to do this?  Why do we seem to fall short when it comes to making these changes in our lives?

Being that we are our biggest critic, it's only natural that we are hard on ourselves.  It just seems strange that we make a new year the catalyst for our changes for the better.  We should always be adamant when it comes to improving ourselves; that shows amazing growth potential.  Potential is a word that gets lost in translation many times.  Potential doesn't mean that you have the ability to do something, but it means that you may be able to do it if you try your hardest.  Many people, while creating New Year's resolutions, feel so excited that they have decided to make a change.  The only problem is that we all have the "potential" to make these changes, but potential has to be added to effort put into the work.


Let's say for example that you have always wanted to be more adventurous.  For 2014 you have decided to buy some skis and some ski gear.  Now let's say, to jump start things, you purchase a plane ticket to travel to the Swiss Alps.  Okay, now let's say December 2014 is here, and you never went to the Swiss Alps to ski because all the while you had a fear of heights.  Weird scenario?  Of course!  It's weird because instead of having a New Year's resolution to be more adventurous, it might have been better to have a resolution to get help with conquering your fear of heights.  So you see, potential is not enough to keep a New Year's resolution at all. Wanting to do something and actually doing it are not of the same magnitude.  Resolutions for the New Year are sometimes stressful to keep.  Why is that?  Sometimes we don't really want to change and like the way we are.  Sometimes it's lack of motivation that keeps us from achieving our goals.  So maybe that's the problem: resolutions instead of  goals.  Are we looking at the resolutions as achievable goals or as something we have the potential to do?

When we make resolutions for the New Year, we are thinking that these are achievable goals.  What we fail to realize is that we need willpower to do these resolutions that we make every year. Willpower drives us to reach our goals and carries us to motivate ourselves when we face adversity. It's sometimes difficult to stay motivated, but think of the end results.  You'll be the better person that you wanted to be.  Can you imagine what having willpower and motivation can do for your goals? You'll achieve your resolutions so much easier.

Another problem is that we gave these resolutions a permanent starting point.  We actually wish to start these resolutions in the beginning of the New Year.  Why wait?  Why not start a new resolution for the month?  Why not start changing something when you already have it on your mind?  One of the most common New Year's resolutions is to stop smoking.  We all know the detrimental circumstances that cigarettes have on our bodies.  So...that's not enough to stop smoking for you?  I know bad habits are hard to break, but why wait until the New Year?  Work on quitting the best way you know how, possibly talking to a physician.  There's no need to put off something that can be done today, especially when your health is concerned.

Remember that potential is great.  It's just better to include motivation and willpower to complete the formula for achieving what you really want.  Making New Year's resolutions is also great, but just make sure that they are realistic to you.  If your health is in jeopardy now, please don't wait for a new year to start making changes.  If you have fears of some sought, conquer the fear first, and then have that amazing adventure. Goals are much easier to achieve when we can put things in perspective.  So if it makes you happy to make New Year's resolutions, go for it!  Just be honest with yourself and be realistic about it.

Women's Self-Esteem Issues

A woman's self-esteem can be viewed as her most valuable possession in this whole world.  It's highly valuable because how we view ourselves shapes our outer appearance mentally, socially, and physically. Self-esteem is fragile and appears to waver when our ego is bruised or when we feel disconnected.  It's not always easy to be honest with ourselves or others when we are hurting emotionally.  We women face challenges with our identities, and we're being hit on every level to conform to other's ways.  So what do we do about this?  How do we cope with society and still remain true to ourselves?

Let's get one thing straight;  media-at-large is not responsible for how we feel, what we say, or what we think -- not even what we eat.  That's right!  The media's job is to give us the information that they want us all to be aware of-- news updates, fashion trends, the latest in dining out, the hottest actors right now, etc.  That's it! That's their sole purpose to us.  How we receive the messages is up to us.  No one should be able to force you to receive information in  ways that you don't like.  The problems begin when we don't take responsibility for ourselves.  When the media has information about the latest fashion trends, for example, we have a decision:  buy the trends or just continue to wear what we want.  Surprisingly, both choices are acceptable.  Following the trends is perfectly fine, as long as you're not going broke doing this. On the other hand, there's also nothing wrong with creating your own style.  This might sound strange, but you can still be unique while following trends.  You can wear the fashions in the style that's appealing to you. Be unique, be original, and most of all, be true to yourself.

There's nothing lovely about having a low self-esteem.  Not knowing or realizing your self-worth can shatter your confidence and make you feel worthless.  Remember to look in the mirror, and smile at yourself.  You are beautiful, and you deserve to love yourself.

"Practice positive mindfulness, and watch your spirit soar."

Tameka Sonoma

We are all insecure about something; it may be our hair, our clothes, our complexion, our body image, etc. This is totally normal.  Women are refined people, and we deserve the best that life has to offer.  If looking

stylish makes you happy, go for it!  If you feel spectacular when you get a new hair style, celebrate that new look.  We're an awesome creation that The Creator put us on this earth to enjoy life.  Love yourself, and remember, if you change anything about yourself, make certain that you're doing this for YOU AND ONLY YOU.

Photo provided with the permission of Jermaine Hayes

Positive Affirmations

1. Things will get better.
2. Life is good!  I can get through this!
3. I can conquer whatever comes my way.
4. I love myself enough to try again.
5. Don't feel bad about regrets; I have to learn somehow.
6. Nothing can stop me now.
7. I can do this!
8. I'm doing my very best.
9. I won't hold back!
10. I am a beautiful woman, and I am proud of myself.

**Read,  "Women and Our Insecurities" by Tameka Sonoma under the "More" tab in my online magazine, Beautiful Colors.  Go to www.beautifulcolorsmagazine.com, and be inspired!